“Oh pity, oh pity, oh pity my plight
And all those who suffer from shortness of sight”

This song was buzzing in my head, a song I learnt in school and it brought back some wonderful memories of those times. It also struck a chord and I was transported to the time I had been wallowing in self pity. A situation we all go through sometime in life. Some of us endorse this state and continue ‘basking’ in the folds of this dark blanket, others emerge and move on to sunshine & self esteem.

I discovered the joy of the latter through five simple steps after a push from a friend who said, “No one really cares how you feel or what you are going through. All you are doing to yourself is taking a headlong plunge down the health slide. This will prove dangerous and futile. Take hold of yourself girl, before it’s too late!”

Take a look at these steps towards liberty from self-pity!

Step 1 – Acceptance – I am in pain!

Look at the issue in its completeness; take in a thorough exhaustive view of the situation that is causing you to delve into self-pity. The sub-conscious mind needs a detailed explanation, provide the same. Experience the plethora of emotions that you are going through. To strengthen the mind, it is important to accept; there is no point turning away from the feelings that you are going through, no point denying them.

Step 2 – Analysis – Why was it to happen as it did

Talk to yourself as you analyse the complete scenario and look at it from different perspectives. It is something gone by, not a reality anymore, the moment has passed. If you go on focusing on the negative aspects, you will attract the negative too. Instead, look at the possible positive impact of the situation…there are always a few! It is never the end of the world! And it is not that you fail every time, do you? Think of all the things that went well with you and you will realize that this particular issue is just one incident.

Step 3 – Awareness

As you deep dive into the issue, you become aware of the possible takeaways, the learnings that may be used later in life. There is a realization of what really went wrong; the universe had aligned to cause a particular scenario and there was a reason for the same. There is nothing wrong with you or with people around. Say to yourself, “I am aware and I know why it happened. I am strong and I know I can overcome this. It is a challenge that I take”. These affirmations will prove significant in strengthening the mind, in bolstering the spirit and invigorating your resolve to move out of this terribly destructive habit…self-pity.

Step 4 – Affirmation

A habit is developed only when it is repeated; likewise the mind is strengthened only when the subconcious is repeatedly pulled out of the negative state by informing it that “It is fine; I can manage this change; I am strong”. Whenever it tends to move into self-pity mode trying to bring negative thoughts to the fore, all you need to do is reiterate and affirm. And go on doing the same until it becomes a habit to be positive!

Step 5 – Admiration

As you involve yourself in more productive things, taking up a new hobby, doing something for society or learning something new, just admire yourself! Look at all your strengths, at all your skills, and know that you are mentally strong, that you can handle anything that comes your way.

And you know what, self-pity will be vanquished and you will feel so much lighter and stronger!